Ways I Can Die in India

Summary: Though it’s the capital of UP, Lucknow is a relatively safe pocket of India. In good fun, I started putting together a “Ways I Can Die in India” list, with the major categories being: In transit, Ingestion, and Induced by animals. (What can I say, I appreciate alliteration.)

Despite the news of India being a terrorist hotspot, Lucknow is actually a very safe place to live. Muslims and Hindus coexist peacefully, and violence or mugging is almost unheard of here (unlike in LA).

There are, however, a slew of other things to worry about. I’ve been compiling what I call, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, the “Ways I Can Die in India” list, though the list actually relates specifically to my life in Lucknow. Here’s what I have to date, in order of likelihood:

In Transit: Anything that involves getting from Point A to Point B. Things in this category include: crossing the street, riding my bike (admittedly, this is my own fault!), going for a run around the neighborhood, riding in cycle or auto rickshaws, sitting in a car, taking the train, flying in a plane, etc. It can be one of the boys who try to run us over, or the rickshaw wallah who’s weaving through the roundabout like there’s no tomorrow. Every day, I engage in dangerous behavior here, and often it’s unavoidable. Admittedly, some behaviors “unnecessarily” increase my risk (e.g., going for a run).

Ingestion: Things you deliberately or inadvertently put into your system, just by living day to day here. The most obvious are drinking water and eating, and the effects can be as serious as cholera or as “trivial” as food poisoning. A major challenge of this category is striking the right balance, as overdose of sugar (chai, anyone?) and oil, malnutrition, or vitamin deficiency can easily occur.

There are also things that inadvertently enter your system, such as inhaling smoke from the trash fires every morning, or accidentally taking a large gulp of water from the local swimming pool (chlorine overdose or dysentery, anyone?).

Induced by Animals: Through direct interaction with animals or other animal-related activity, such as repelling or killing them. I may get bit by a rat or mouse, or even a monitor lizard (who lives in the yard next door). I may get attacked or run over by a cow, bull, buffalo, or dog. The birds or cockroaches housed in my home may spread disease. I may get malaria, as I’ve stopped taking my malaria pills to save my liver (kidney?).

Or, I can die trying to deter the pests from wreaking havoc. Overdosing on insect repellent (All Out!, which burns oil through the night) or insecticide (Hit, which I once tried on a mouse running around my house).

Of course, this list is only the beginning, but it gives you a sense of the greatest dangers I face here, none of which include getting mugged or bombed, unless you call getting nudged by buffalo (which happened in Varanasi) a mugging attempt.